“Captain take me to the real, Electric blondes in summer feel, Pretty hearts that never die, Captain take me to the sky. Captain win and you and I, pick a star and we do fly, Love the world and it will know, Captain I don’t want to go.” ~shapes of race cars

My English seminar paper is depressing me. I’m writing about The Secret Garden, which is one of my favorite stories. The Secret Garden was actually the first Broadway show I ever saw. I remember it; I was eight years old, and it was December 26, 1992. My aunt took my cousins and I as a Christmas present, and it had such a huge impact on me. It got me addicted to Broadway. I have all the songs memorized; I could sing through the entire show if you asked me to. I listen to the OBCR very frequently. I think Lily’s Eyes is one of the most beautiful songs ever written. I love all the songs, actually; some favorites are Wick, The Girl I Mean to Be, A Bit of Earth, Race You to the Top of the Morning, Hold On, Round-Shouldered Man…they’re all just so wonderful. I love the novel as well. So I have deep emotional ties to the story. Now I’m reading lots of criticism about the novel for my essay, and I’m recognizing that the text has its serious flaws. The article I just read argues that, “Mary’s strengths [are] harnessed for patriarchal pleasure and imperial power.” And it’s a very valid argument. I’m having a really difficult time defending Burnett. Which makes me so sad.

Here’s something that demonstrates how twisted and crazy I am. Earlier today I posted an entry contemplating my future. Two hours later my mom sent me an email about that very subject, and she suggested that I consider other options besides teaching, like theater or music, which is exactly what I had been thinking about. I’m almost positive she doesn’t read this blog, and I haven’t talked to her about the subject at all, so it’s pretty creepy that she sent me that email. Anyway, I was actually bothered by her suggestion. Here’s how it’s supposed to go: I’m supposed to say that I want to take a big risk and try to get into a career in the entertainment industry, and my parents are supposed to tell me that I should be a teacher because it’s so rewarding, it will mean a steady income, it’s what I’ve always wanted to do, it’s respectable, blah blah blah…then I’m supposed to rebel and follow my heart despite their opposition…
The fact that they’re encouraging me to go for the risky, less sensible, adventurous choice actually makes it less appealing to me. How crazy is that?! I have a fantastic family that loves and supports me whatever I do and I resent them for it.