"Wiseblood knows how to walk the way the wind blows. Wiseblood hears grace whisper right behind." ~kurt stevenson & chris boesel

I don't know what's wrong with me. I've just been in a sort of rut lately. I'm not sure why. I'm not depressed or sad, just moody. I'm reading Nicole Krauss' The History of Love and something in every chapter brings tears to my eyes. I'm not sure if it's because the book is so heartbreaking or the book's sadness is enhanced by my own mood. Anyway, it's a beautiful novel. It's one of those that I don't want to finish reading because I want it to go on forever.

I've been going through the entire series of Six Feet Under. The season 3 finale made me cry. It made me think about Heaven. I thought Claire's vision of the afterlife was interesting; it was a huge carnival filling the cemetery. She asked her (dead) dad if it was a special occasion, and he told her that it's like that every day. Seeing Claire see (or imagine, I guess, because her dad told her it was her own vision) Lisa taking care of her (Claire's) unborn baby was what brought on the waterworks. It must have been comforting for her to know that he's being taken care of, although I'm sure it was devastating at the same time to know that she won't get to see him grow up. And then Lisa asked Claire to take care of her own baby, Mya, who is still alive. The entire episode got to me, but that moment was the most touching. The worlds of the living and the dead collided for a minute or so, and the characters remain connected to each other through their children (Lisa with Claire's son in the afterlife, Claire with Lisa's daughter in the world of the living). It's probably not enough for either of them, but it's something. It made me think about death and it made me think about the fact that I will never understand death, because I can't imagine death as a better place if you're separated from the people you love the most. It's beyond my understanding, but I guess that's the way it's supposed to be.

I guess that's all, now that I've thoroughly confused my imaginary readers.