"And I will miss you, I will miss you." ~anika moa

My Grandpa died yesterday. It was unexpected, even though he was in a nursing home and wasn't doing very well. My parents and my brother were there visiting, and they were 10 minutes into their drive to the airport to fly home when my Granny called and told them that he had just passed away. They turned around and are staying there (in Iowa) for a few more days with her. I wish I were there. I feel awful that I'm not. We almost went to visit them over Christmas, but I think the main reason we didn't was because I wanted to stay home instead (because it would be our last Christmas in that house where I grew up). I wish we had gone. I wish I could have seen him one more time. It's my fault that I didn't go visit him and it's not something I'm going to get over easily. My Granny doesn't want to have a service until the spring because a lot of their friends are away for the winter. It's not easy being alone right now. Although, on second thought, it probably wouldn't be easier with my family around. It's just hard. And sad. This is the first grandparent that I've lost, and I feel like I didn't know him well at all. I wish I had tried harder to know him. This, on top of the tremendous stress caused by work right now, is making me cry a lot. I just lost my dog last month and I didn't think I would cry that much again for a long, long time. Unfortunately I'm coming close to being wrong. So far this year is not turning out to be better than the last.